Fido vs. Fossil Fuels

Even though gasoline prices have plummeted recently, it's probably unwise to breathe a sigh of relief, since we all realize that prices will continue to rise in the long term as growing world demand outpaces a dwindling supply.

Oil companies have begun touting technological advances that allow them to extract precious drops of oil from deep inside rocks and shale. That seems like a very expensive, labor-intensive effort that would not be undertaken if the easier alternative of sticking a pipe in the ground was available. The truth remains unspoken - we're running out of oil.

Enter DogPoweredScooter.com, a site seemingly designed by a 10th grader using Microsoft FrontPage. What the page lacks in modern design it makes up for by the sheer volume of words WRITTEN ALL IN CAPS.

It's not just dog powered scooters here, either. They have dog powered trikes, dog powered skateboards, and coming soon, dog powered folding bicycles. I'm guessing they won't fold while you're in transit, but I can't be certain.

The obvious question here is what powers the dog, and for how long? Do we recycle methane that comes out the tailpipe, or burn turd nuggets in the Eukanuba converter?

We own a pudgy little freak of nature that we saved at the animal shelter, and I'm not sure how he would feel about this. Mojo is part basset hound and part American bulldog (we think), with a massive head perched on a thick neck. Mojo defies gravity by not tipping forward, his long, muscled trunk held by four stubby little legs with huge feet. He's about 18 inches tall and weighs 60 pounds. An ottoman with teeth.

Strapping him to a skateboard or scooter essentially makes me the human sidecar in some Stephen King-inspired Cujo propulsion experiment. Checking out the pics and videos that are meant to assuage my fears actually stokes my panic. 

I had better performing brakes on my Big Wheel when I was 5. Those things are supposed to hold when Mojo spots a passing squirrel or the neighbor's nappy Persian devil-cat? I think not.

The center of gravity seems a bit high, too. I realize that I'm a computer engineer and not a real engineer, but physics is physics. If Mojo takes off and I need to make a quick turn to avoid a tree or small child, the last thing that will go through my head will be Newton's theory of vectors and scalars.

Perhaps the bicycle model will have some new design elements that are more horse & buggy and less Turner & Hooch. Until then, I'm holding out for the wind powered Audi A6 5-speed with leather trim. Mojo can ride shotgun.