Awesome LEGO Spider

Awesome in a creepy, "I hope it doesn't come to life wrap me up in a silken LEGO cocoon!" sort of way.

Via Geekologie

Glow In The Dark Toilet Paper

The future's so bright, I've gotta wear shades.

When I poop.

About Time: Glow In The Dark Toilet Paper , via Geekologie

What Else Could Make Kids Fear The Dentist?

How about a frightening surgical mask?

Seriously - were they passing around the laughing gas in the meeting where people decided this was a good idea?

Bad Idea: Creepy Surgical Masks For Dentists , via Geekologie

Perverted Arm Toner for Women

I'm not known as a true pervert. For one thing, I'm not in the union, and I never go to the meetings.

That said, I couldn't help but to let my mind drift to the wrong side of the tracks when I saw this video posted on Geekologie:



There's something that's just so wrong about this, while at the same time, just so right.

Toad is Flipping Us Off in Mario Brothers

Makes me wonder why I never noticed this before.

I Knew It, I Knew It!: Toad is a Rude Jerk , via Geekologie

How Not to Blow Up a Building

Via Geekologie

Cheetos Lip Balm

It ain't easy bein' cheesy. Or having cracked, dry lips.

Why not take care of both problems at the same time? I'm sure your significant other will take great pleasure in covering your smackers with sloppy kisses. I mean, who doesn't like Cheetos?

Good enought to eat: Cheetos Lip Balm, via Geekologie

Tactical Corsets Stop Bullets and Objectify Women

I've often wanted to take my sweetie out for a night on the town, roaming the mean streets in updated Victorian garb, because that's hot.

We've never actually pulled it off because of our lingering doubts around the projectile-proofing qualities of her unmentionables. I mean, it would be sexy until the shooting started, but then what?

The folks who make Tactical Corsets think they have the answer.

Tactical Corsets are high-fashion high-function clothes for empowered women.

Oh, really?

To me, nothing says "empowered" like having a woman use a garment to squeeze her waist uncomfortably until her boobs pop out the top. I believe the first place I saw this practiced was in an episode of Maude. Actually, I think she had Walter wearing it by the end of the show.

Is it me, or does the model in the photo resemble some twisted Debbie Gibson character from the 80s?

Tactical Corsets Provide Pew Pew Protection , via Geekologie

Freaky Gel Remote

How would you feel about owning a gel remote control that lays limp, pulsing with a soft white light when not in use, but stiffens when it senses your hand reaching for it?

Yeah, me too.

Limp when not in use, stiff when used. Hmmm, where have I see that before?

Weird Gel Remote Lays Limp When Not In Use , via Geekologie

Is That A Weapon, Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

Since it's a well-known fact that Hamas fears only two things - modern conveniences and snakes - the Israeli army has decided to give the Islamic Resistance Movement panic attacks by launching spy serpents.

These devious (and creepy) robot asps are able to slither around, seeking the enemy, and when it finds them, sends audio and video back while trying to convince Adam to take a bite of the apple.

Better yet, you can pack the robo-viper full of explosives, let it wriggle up next to any enemy emplacement, then detonate it like a bangalore torpedo. Boom.

Aaaah! Israeli Army To Deploy Robot Snakes , via Geekologie

Far Out: Sci Fi Corsets

I'm pretty geeky, but have never been much into the sci fi genre. I liked the original Star Trek, but was never a huge fan of Star Wars or all the shows/movies that waterfalled from the 60s Trek series.

Sci fi starts to grab my attention when you wrap up good looking women in designer costumes and corsets inspired by these very same programs. Yes, indeed.

Live long and prosper, fashion.

Gallery: Sexy Star Trek and Star Wars Corsets , via Geekologie

Ghost in a Bottle

Hmmm, bottled ghosts. What could possibly go wrong with that?

At $20 a pop, bottled ghosts have the potential to become the supernatural Pet Rock of our generation. And the bottles are sealed with wax after the ghosts are captured, so, like, it's sooo secure. I mean, look at Jeanie - she was defenseless until Major Nelson uncorked the damned bottle.

As long as some long-suffering bureaucrat named Walter Peck doesn't come along and shut down our power grid....

Ray: This is where we put all the vapors and entities and slimers that we trap. Quite simple really. Load a trap here, open, unlock the system. Insert the trap, release, close, lock the system. Set your entry grid, neutralize your field and... the light is green, the trap is clean! The ghost is incarcerated here in our custom-made storage facility.

For Questionable Sale: Ghosts in Bottles , via Geekologie

Soapy Brass Knuckles

If I'm in the shower and have a need to brass knuckles, they had better be made of brass and not rapidly-softening bath soap.

I'm really struggling to understand this product conceptually.

Prison: Don't Drop The Soap Knuckles , via Geekologie

I Don't Miss the Floppy Disk

I'm starting to feel like a crusty old codger starting stories like this, but here goes...

Back in the day when floppy disks were used to load software on a computer, it could take hours and hours just to install something - if you were lucky enough to not have some sort of fatal disk error or a sticking / corrupted floppy.

I remember installing Harvard Graphics for Windows 3.0, and it was so immensely huge that the installation came on twenty-six 3 1/2 inch floppies, or something like that. The odds that all 26 would work flawlessly were somewhere between slim and none.

Why do I bring this up?

Only to point out that the Rosetta Disk, a 3-inch nickel disk, contains 13,500 pages of the world's languages, and you need a 500x microscope to read a single page. We've come a long way in 20 years.

I wonder if all the knowledge in the world can be written on a chip and implanted in my brain before I die?

13,500 Pages of Data Etched on a 3 Inch Disk , via Geekologie

Star Trek Undies, Anyone?

I don't remember these being around when I was a kid in the 60s, but it's entirely possible that they fall under the "massive amount of events I've repressed from my childhood" category.

It's too late for me now. And $75? C'mon, dude.

Dammit, Jim! I'm a boxer-brief man!

Highly Questionable: Retro Star Trek Drawers , via Geekologie

Pee is the new Tang

I can recall watching the astronauts blasting off from Cape Kennedy in their rockets and watching Walter Cronkite talk about what they were doing as we gazed, mesmerized by the poor quality black & white video beaming from space.

Even though it tasted lousy, we would nag our mom to buy Tang, because the commercials said it was what the astronauts drank, and we wanted to be just like those fuzzy, flickering, colorless images from the sky.

So how disgusting must Tang taste if today's astronauts are drinking water that's been recycled from their own pee instead?

The guy in the middle isn't giving a thumbs-up to the taste, either. He's grimacing and wondering who had the vacuum-packed asparagus for dinner.

Astronauts Drink Urine, Love Every Drop , via Geekologie

Video Games Make for Dirty Americans

This is why the rest of the world hates us - all we do is sit around on our fat American butts, playing video games and launching Predator drones while the sweat and grime build up on us.

There's even a rumor that the term "ugly American" is being replaced by "stinky Yankee".

If only there was something that allowed us to be near to our gaming yet provided a way to cleanse our crummy bodies.

Fear not - it's Tetris soap! And Space Invaders soap! We're saved!

I can't wait to scrub my ass with a little Donkey Kong, followed up by a spritz of Eau de Frogger.

Spam as Art: Who Knew?

I've often wondered about Flergicous Q Public when he emails me to point out my small penis, lack of lovemaking skill, and crappy mortgage.

Apparently my car warranty is about to expire, too. Sighs.

It's nice to see lemonade being made out of the sweet, sweet citrus fruit of my shame.

Elliot Burford is an artist who has created some pencil art using spam email titles as his inspiration. While some are pretty freaking dark, dude, most are just plain hilarious.

Unless you can't get it up with your girlfriend or know someone who hails from Nigerian royalty.

Spam Emails: Now With More Illustration, via Geekologie

Pillow Laptop

I've been accused of spending so much time blogging that I should have one of these, so when I pass out from weariness I don't bonk my head on the sharp corner of my Dell.

Judging by the screen resolution of this thing, it looks like in runs Ubuntu 7.04, as part of an upgrade from Windows 3.1.

Via Geekologie - Pillow Laptop: Working Never Felt So Zzzzz

Tramp Stamp Barbie

In an effort to drag an iconic plastic classic into the toy version of Girls Gone Wild, Mattel has launched "Totally Stylin'" Barbie. I'm guessing that Ken will be along with that missing "g" any time now.

Complete with stickers that you can apply to the small of her back, "Totally Stylin" Barbie is the perfect role model for your young daughter...assuming you want your little girl to be objectified and branded to feed the carnal lust of men.

I'm sure you're ok with your spawn seeking male approval for things other than her mind, her personality, her compassion.......

Hey, the kit even comes with a little fake tattoo gun so your little princess can practice marking herself up now. Score!

Tattooed Barbie: You're No Daughter of Mine! via Geekologie