If Charlton Heston Had Been A Tranny In Ben Hur

Booty Pop - Pimp That Badonkadonk

Booty Pop - because your ass is a failure.



Via Geekologie

RoboCop 5 Wardrobe

Costume procurers would be wise to stock up at 60% off at Kohl's.




-- Mobile post

LED Eyelashes

I don't think your eyes are supposed to have a carbon footprint.

I really don't.

Via Dvice

Ralph Lauren Trims The Fat

It's possible that Ralph Lauren doesn't understand the difference between slim and fat.

After being caught digitally-enhancing the image of a female model to make her appear impossibly narrow, denying the charge, then finally admitting that yes, they intentionally made her pelvis less wide than her head, Ralph Lauren has fired the model involved for being fat.

I suppose in the world of high fashion any body no longer capable of being starved, enhanced surgically, or otherwise physically manipulated becomes worthless once the Photoshop option is taken off of the table.

The waif, Flippa Hamilton, stands 5'10" tall and tips the scales at 120 pounds. I've seen women wearing Lauren, and unless I'm mistaken, the majority of them were over a size 2.

So let's give Ralph Lauren a little lesson on the difference between slim and fat.

Flippa, at 120 pounds and 5'10" - slim.

Lauren's humanity and common sense - slim.

Chance anyone in my family will be buying any Lauren merchandise in the foreseeable future - FAT.

Hang in there, Flippa. I'm sure all of this notoriety will bring tons of modeling gigs your way. And Donald Trump.

Via Crazy Days and Nights

Updated 10/15/09 7:58 PM - BoingBoing has another example of Ralph Lauren's fixation with distorted body images here.

Kids Can Be Sluts and Pervs This Halloween

Have parents in this country completely abdicated sensible child-rearing techniques in favor of following TLC's Toddlers in Tiaras to doom another generation of youth?

In the wake of the whole Roman Polanski fiasco, perhaps making your little girl look like a pole dancing floozy isn't the way to go.

Maybe something in a nice nun's habit instead?

Blogue, via Gawker

Dinosaur Head Belt Buckle

How did our ancestors keep their double-pleated, wooly-mammoth blend trousers up before the invention of the belt?

And to that end, wouldn't they have been delighted to have mocked the predator dinosaurs by placing a dino head visage on their belt buckles?

I think that question is answered at the Creation Museum in Kentucky.

This thing is $2500, though. No wonder they became extinct.

Via Geekologie

Snuggie Fashion Show

You might think that the whole Snuggie thing would have jumped the shark by now. When it goes from late night infomercial to TBS (very funny!), you can almost see the Fonz strapping on the water skis.

With the introduction of the Snuggie fashion show, it's no longer in doubt. The final grains of sand are slowly moving to the bottom half of the hourglass.

Since the host of the fashion extravaganza was Jay Leno's intern Ross, I'm assuming the Snuggie marketing folks were looking to avoid the fashion death panels for a little while longer, and here I am, your intrepid blogger, falling right into their trap.

Damn!

Via Neatorama

What Else Could Make Kids Fear The Dentist?

How about a frightening surgical mask?

Seriously - were they passing around the laughing gas in the meeting where people decided this was a good idea?

Bad Idea: Creepy Surgical Masks For Dentists , via Geekologie

Tactical Corsets Stop Bullets and Objectify Women

I've often wanted to take my sweetie out for a night on the town, roaming the mean streets in updated Victorian garb, because that's hot.

We've never actually pulled it off because of our lingering doubts around the projectile-proofing qualities of her unmentionables. I mean, it would be sexy until the shooting started, but then what?

The folks who make Tactical Corsets think they have the answer.

Tactical Corsets are high-fashion high-function clothes for empowered women.

Oh, really?

To me, nothing says "empowered" like having a woman use a garment to squeeze her waist uncomfortably until her boobs pop out the top. I believe the first place I saw this practiced was in an episode of Maude. Actually, I think she had Walter wearing it by the end of the show.

Is it me, or does the model in the photo resemble some twisted Debbie Gibson character from the 80s?

Tactical Corsets Provide Pew Pew Protection , via Geekologie

Far Out: Sci Fi Corsets

I'm pretty geeky, but have never been much into the sci fi genre. I liked the original Star Trek, but was never a huge fan of Star Wars or all the shows/movies that waterfalled from the 60s Trek series.

Sci fi starts to grab my attention when you wrap up good looking women in designer costumes and corsets inspired by these very same programs. Yes, indeed.

Live long and prosper, fashion.

Gallery: Sexy Star Trek and Star Wars Corsets , via Geekologie

Mustache Accessories: Entertain Like Tom Selleck

Have you ever hosted a party that seemed to lack a certain spark?

You can't quite put your finger on it, but guests just don't seem to be at the peak of their enjoyment potential, even though the food is wonderful, the music soothing, and there's sparkling conversation in the air.

Next time, try mustache accessories, and party like a 1980s TV detective!

Start off with these narly mustache napkin rings, because partygoers will be thrilled to see someone else's nose hair on their table linens. Especially if the mouth-wipers are in a Hawaiian shirt pattern.

Since real men (and the women who love them) drink right from the longneck, how about a collection of bottle 'staches to pull the room together? If the Selleck look isn't for you, perhaps drinking like Ditka or Snidely Whiplash is more your style.

Drink up, Higgins. We have some crime fightin' to do after this.

Star Trek Undies, Anyone?

I don't remember these being around when I was a kid in the 60s, but it's entirely possible that they fall under the "massive amount of events I've repressed from my childhood" category.

It's too late for me now. And $75? C'mon, dude.

Dammit, Jim! I'm a boxer-brief man!

Highly Questionable: Retro Star Trek Drawers , via Geekologie

Shark Attack Hat

Ding-dong!

"Who is it?"

"Candy-gram!"

Nooooooooo!

Don't fall for it, or you'll end up looking like this.

Shark Attack Hat - via Neatorama

Pimp My Pig Flu

When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.

When life hands you pig flu, put your graphic design degree to work tricking out your surgical mask. Remember - it's not how you feel, it's how you look!

Swine Flu Fashion: Pimp my Mask, via Oddee

Wii Remote Cufflinks

For those occasions when you need to come out of the basement and wear a French-cuffed shirt (??), I bring you Wii remote cufflinks.

Why? Because I refuse to use the term Wiimote, for the same reasons I won't order a grande or venti drink at Starbucks.

But seriously, folks. What's the fashion message we're trying to send here? I see Father's Day sales written all over this accessory.

Wiimote cufflinks

Wear These Glasses, Look Like Forrest Gump

From Neatorama, some incredibly odd looking glasses that make you appear to be gazing high and outside while you actually peer straight ahead.

Designed to keep gorillas from ripping your face off when you make eye contact with them, the sexy specs originated in Rotterdam, fashion capital of the world.

Bokito Viewers

Sleeping Bag Coats

If you're ever wondered what the Michelin Man would look like if he had some style and a good tailor, check out these sleeping bag coats.

Tres chic!

I can't imagine wanting to be located in any geographic area with weather so harsh that I would require one of these uber-outfits to keep from freezing to death, but I suppose that are some hardy folks out there who laugh in the face of sub-zero temperatures and would find the Selk'bag a welcome addition to their arctic wardrobe.

Geekologie has all details.

For When It's Cold: Sleeping Bag Coats

The Sealpelt

Gawker points out a new product to add another facet to the Snuggie - Slanket battle for supremacy. The Sealpelt.

Why someone would want to wear an item that brings to mind the sad, pleading eyes of baby seals right before they are bludgeoned to death with a heavy club escapes me, but perhaps that's why I'm not in fashion merchandising.

The link-through does not work, so maybe this was a gag. I hope so.

Poor baby seals.

The Sealpelt

Worst. Eyeware. Ever.

If you were going to design a new line of eyeware that made it appear as if your eyes were thin slits that made you look vaguely Asian, would you call them Slanties?

Me either.

But they did. And fashion-blind people are wearing them, at $75 a pop. Because racists aren't very good at money management, either.