Chewie With These Star Wars Chopsticks

In a Shabu-Shabu shop far, far away, the forces of evil will stop at nothing to keep you from fishing your shrimp and vegetables out of the simmering hot pot.

May the forks be with you? Not on your Jedi life.

Light saber chopsticks are exactly the right tool for the job. Just watch where you point those things.

Star Wars chopsticks, via Dvice

Snappy Electric Bike

So I want to putter on down to the local coffee shop to Twitter and Facebook and write witty, insightful blog postings, but I don't want to kill my as-yet unborn grandchildren by contributing to global warming. What's an oldster to do?

The Amur Leopard would allow me to motor around via electricity, and even has a bit of storage that would permit me to cart my laptop around. Who wants to use a netbook or sling a messenger bag around their torso? That's sooo 2009!

While still a prototype, I'd be interested in test driving one. I wonder how much it would cost to mail a Leopard from China?

Electric bike adds storage, nav, and email for rolling good times, via Dvice

Taxi Meter for Freeloaders

Now that gasoline prices are on the rise again, it's time to start thinking about ways to keep the old gas tank topped off.

If you end up being the designated driver for your group of freeloading friends, it can be awkward if they allow you to shuttle them around but never chip in for the fuel.

Sure, you could ask them nicely to help out, but where's the fun in that?

Go the passive-aggressive route with this replica Japanese taxi meter. As they hop in the car, start the meter, and glance in the rearview mirror to catch their look of surprise and horror. They'll be confused, too, because the meter reads in yen.

I hope your friends have currency converters on their iPhones. Otherwise, they'll die from shock when they see the bill.

Solar Vest - Be a Well-Charged Geek

I thought it was weird when Dockers came out with the pants that had all sorts of pockets in which you could conceal your various and sundry electronic gadgets.

That was apparently only the tip of the nerd fashion iceberg.

I'm all for greening up the world, to the point of contemplating a hybrid for my next car, but I draw the line at walking around in a solar-collecting vest that can charge my personal electronics for me. First of all, too much sun exposure is bad for me long-term. Secondly - it's a solar vest! C'mon, man!

Besides, just how much solar energy can one collect while running for their lives from the bully mobs?

Solar Vest uses the sun to charge your gadgets, via Dvice

Thought Controlled Wheelchairs

Toyota would like us to know that they have developed a Brain-Machine Interface that can control a wheelchair for motion and turns.

The robot army squeals in delight.

The brain waves are processed every 125 milliseconds and they're said to be 95% accurate.

This is very disconcerting, because I don't hit 95% accuracy in the things my brain tells my body to do. At least not consistently. And I'm almost 50. There's nowhere to go but down from here.

Sighs.

Thought-controlled wheelchairs: What's next? via Dvice

Anti-stab Knife

Add this to the list of things I did not know - there's apparently an epidemic of stabbings in the UK.

So many, in fact, that the Home Office has approved this anti-stab knife. I think this is unfortunately named, however. I can still stab you with it. Perhaps some marketing guru can come up with a more suitable moniker.

Alton Brown would frown on this item, since he's a firm believer that kitchen tools should be multi-taskers. If all I can do with this knife is cut something, what the heck good is it, anyway?

Anti-Stab knife - is this the answers to Britain's knife crime epidemic? via Dvice

Wall 'O Outlets

Realizing that Americans are on the downward slope of rampant consumerism, now might not be the right time to market an "Outlet Wall", but I appreciate both the art and the practicality of having lots of places to plug in your numerous electronic devices.

Cable management has always been a problem, and with the introduction of home audio/visual systems, plasma televisions, and all sorts of cable (or satellite) boxes plus components, it hasn't gotten any easier.

Somehow I think even poor cable management would present a better visual than seeing all of your power cords hanging down, but I've never been accused of having a primo artistic eye.

Outlet Wall destroys cable clutter by embracing it , via Dvice

Find Treasure, Get Foot Cancer

This can't possibly be a good idea.

Has there ever been a lazy treasure-hunter who has struck it rich? I think someone who hunts for buried booty should be required, by default, to put some effort into the search. Am I wrong here?

So what's up with the metal detector sandals? Are people seriously walking around the beach with a Corona in one hand and a sun umbrella in the other, so they need a hands-free fortune finder?

Could we be any more lethargic?

Metal detector sandals find treasure as you walk , via Dvice

Mmmm, Chocolate Computes

This would almost lead me to ditch the Windows calc.exe - a desk calculator that's chocolate-scented!

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
It must smell like chocolate,
Cause it sure looks like poo.

Chocolate scented calculator is torture for dieters , via Dvice

Super Spork

Fashion meets function in Carl Mertens' culinary creation of the Taster, a 23rd century spork available today.

Just look at the myriad uses for this thing - a fork, a spoon, a single-strand spaghetti picker-upper....ummm, that's three. For $32, should I expect more?

I'll bet I can't even take this thing through airport security.

Carl Mertens' Taster is a spork by any other name , via Dvice

A Kid's BMW?

Growing up in northern Appalachia, we got by without much in the way of expensive, fancy things.

Patches on the knees of our jeans, canned beets and liver for dinner, and running around playing Army by carrying sticks for rifles and rocks for grenades was how we rolled. And we turned out ok, mostly.

So if I see even one kid motoring through my subdivision on this toy BMW roadster, I'll creep over to his or her house that night under cover of darkness and swap it out for a nice birch limb and two petrified dog turds.

Kids today need to know that it's ok to grow up poor. It's hard for them to see that through their Gucci sunglasses, and they don't hear me when I try to tell them because of their Bose acoustic sound-deadening headphones.

Kid's BMW roadster starts your child on the fast track , via Dvice

Smoke Alarm Silencer

We're not as good as we should be when it comes to cleaning out the inside of our gas oven. That's a problem, because we cook a lot.

That means from time to time, things get...shall we say...hazy...from crispy black super-heated dregs that might have been left inside.

This smoke alarm silencer would be perfect, especially since our home alarm system is wired such that if one smoke alarm goes off, they ALL go off.

The neat thing is how stylish and functional they made this gadget. It's almost like your're squeezing your little buddies' hand and he makes all the scary shrieking noise go away.

Via Dvice, Smoke Alarm silencer a must-have for anyone who likes their steaks really seared

Dog-O-Matic

I guess this is better than beating Fido against a rock until he's clean, but not by much.

A vending machine to wash, spin dry, and fluff/fold your pooch? I think not. I have too much respect for canines.

Now, people...that's a whole different story. I can so see me tossing some arrogant inventor into this machine, feeding quarters until I've exhausted my life savings.

Waterboarding for dog? via Dvice

Floor Worm to Roomba: Let's Dance

We seldom use our Roomba floor vacuum, mainly because it doesn't do a very good job, plus it freaks out the dog.

That said, as we contemplate moving to solid wood flooring instead of carpeting, the Fukitorimushi might come in handy.

Looking and acting freakishly like a floor-cleaning worm, the Fukitorimushi, designed by Panasonic, slithers around your floors, wearing an absorbent cloth coat to soak up spills and clean any nasty grime that you've ignored.

Via Dvice, there's also a creepy video of the Fukitorimushi in action, in case you were looking for an excuse to sit wide-eyed in bed, listening in the dark, dark night to the eerie sounds of Japanese cleansing.

Sweet dreams.

New worm-like floor-cleaning robot threatens Roomba's dominance

Thirsty? Drink Your Own Urine!

I remember waves of nausea crashing over me when I learned that the International Space Station was testing a distilling doohickey that could turn astronaut pee into drinking water, but I reasoned that if you're in outer space, you can't run to the local convenience store, so beggars can't be choosers.

Dvice has the details on an earth-bound H2O filter that lets you gargle asparagus-flavored water that only hours before was dinner and drinks. I can't understand why someone would want to attempt this short of being in geo-synchronous orbit above the earth. And out of water. And Gatorade. And Tang. Especially Tang.

H2O filter lets you turn urine into drinkable water

In-store GPS: Grandma Finds the Pudding

Via Dvice, a skeptical look at plans in the UK to equip shopping carts with GPS units.

Designed for use by older folks, the navigation systems are intended to help ease the confusion that apparently exists because store layouts are frequently changing and the oldsters keep getting lost in the cheese aisle.

I have an idea - how about we don't change store layouts quite so often?

In-store GPS coming to confusing grocery stores for old people

Wear Headphones That Resemble A VW Beetle

I'm all for sound quality and pristine music-listening experiences. I draw the line at wearing headphones so astoundingly large that they rival the cans I sported listening to my 8-track player in 1978.

Dvice has the details on a new surround-sound headphone offering from Zalman.

The phones have a number of drawbacks, including the need to for an adapter to plug a separate cable into your computer's sound card for each channel. It also appears that you can't use these headphones with your iPod or other portable music device. Bummer.

Dvice's verdict: The headphones fold up, but it looks like they're even bigger when they're folded up. How is that possible? It might be easier to just strap your Bose home theater speakers to your head. Might look better too.

Epically ugly surround-sound headphones

Funky Wine Tasting Bar

Via Dvice, a funky wine tasting bar that's both green and functional.

I especially like the recycled wine barrel angle.

Funky wine tasting bar is both beautiful and green