World's Worst Recipe Book

When I first saw a recipe book called Natural Harvest, I thought "ok, probably another in a series of gluten-free, sugar-free, taste-free tomes to file under the category of "if it tastes like crap then it must be good for you"".

I was in the right area, but the wrong exit.

Natural Harvest has a subtitle: A Collection of Semen Based Recipes.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. This book hopes to change that. Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients - you will love this cook book!

Here I thought my struggle in the "pure vanilla vs. imitation vanilla" battle was important. Heck no. The semen vs. no semen war has now become a priority for me.

To my wife, I say this: There had better be no semen in my food, if for no other reason than the fact that I'm typically your sous chef, and if you aren't getting it from me, then we have a bigger problem than the recipe.

I've also decided never to eat out again.