Bobblespeak Translation of Obama's Oil Speech

It's funny, because it's true:

I’ve got top people in charge of this like Admiral Thad Allen - now I know the man may be a little dim but he has great experience facing disasters - he once worked in the Bush administration!


I’ve got 20,000 National Guard ready to help people file lawsuits -- so state governors, activate them already!!


We’re working hard to assist Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana and Florida in this time of crisis -- with any luck they will soon enter the 20th century!!


But let’s get real people - sadly, no matter how effective our response is, we’re under siege from oil and that’s not going to change! I’ve talked to shrimpers, local residents and Alex Trebek and we are in double fucking jeopardy!