Little Kid Parallel Parks Like A Pro

Via Neatorama

Kids Can Be Sluts and Pervs This Halloween

Have parents in this country completely abdicated sensible child-rearing techniques in favor of following TLC's Toddlers in Tiaras to doom another generation of youth?

In the wake of the whole Roman Polanski fiasco, perhaps making your little girl look like a pole dancing floozy isn't the way to go.

Maybe something in a nice nun's habit instead?

Blogue, via Gawker

Gyro Bowl for Toddlers is Pure Genius

Having raised three kids through toddler-hood, I've had my share of cleaning up messes resulting from the little ones tipping over their plates or knocking their food bowl askew.

With grandparenting in my future eventually, my aching back and creaky knees are not looking forward to the clean-up regimen required after a meal with tots. So I was giddy while reading about the Gyro Toddler Food Bowl.

No matter which way the little tykes turn the side handles, the bowl remains upright, foiling the little bugger's attempts to share their tasty morsels with the floor.

Pure genius.

Linky from Dvice

Corrupt Your Child with the Pole Dancing Doll

There are some special moments of bonding between parents and children that are generational.

Teaching kids how to ride a bicycle, or helping them take that first scary plunge into the deep end of the swimming pool - easing them into situations with the goal of building their confidence and preparing them for life.

So you want your kid to earn their way through college via the stripper's pole? No problem! Now you have Pole Dancer, a cute doll that can expose your precious cargo to the seedy side of using their bodies for fun and profit!

Someone should tell the manufacturer that their doll needs to be updated. It still has Mary Tyler Moore hair from 1975.

Link

First Day of School Anxiety

Today was our 9-year old's first day of school. 4th grade seems like such a huge leap at that age, and tends to cause much anxiety on elementary students everywhere.
I wonder why the start of the school year leads to so much consternation and dread for such a large population of students? It seems to be the same, year after year. I had worries, my friends had worries. What the heck?

How many of you had the obligatory dream sometime in August where you were late for the first day of school?

Or got lost somewhere in the school building?

Or couldn't get your locker open?

Or forgot your lunch, missed the bus, ended up sitting without pants in the classroom (library, homeroom, bus stop, etc.)?

Let me know which of these sounds familiar, and what you think caused your own measure of dread.

Image by laffy4k via flickr

99 Nose Balloons Go By

All of my kids hated that little snot sucker that parents use to siphon the boogers from their little nasal passages until the tots are old enough to grasp the concept of nose blowing.

I believe the official term is "nasal aspirator", although that moniker doesn't add much to make the device appealing.

So it's nice to see someone has come up with a creative gizmo to help kids clear out their plugged-up ears, and that it doesn't involve an oil-derrick style contraption attached to their head.

Nose balloons provide a mechanism for kids to puff air through their eustachian tubes, which helps to keep the middle ear clear. I wish I had one of these in my 20s, when I had so much middle ear trouble that I ended up with a permanent tube installed via surgery.

At least kids in my day understood the concept of "hold your nose and blow." Kids today have it so easy.

Nose balloons for snot-headed kids, via BoingBoing

Toddler Larry King

We took Sunday lunch with our good friends at their humble abode today. The sun was shining, it was hot and humid, and all was right with the world.

They have a delightful son who is 3-ish. He's cute as a button and a pretty smart little dude, and I always accuse him of stealing my pants as I chase him around tugging at his garb. I'm sure that will be funny right up until the time that he shivs me.

Anyway, he had a slight issue with his physical development, so he takes injections of growth hormones, and he's really started to beef up. Since he's starting from behind, it will probably take awhile, and like most kids his age, different parts of his body are changing at different rates. For example, his upper body is a bit further along than his lower half.

I hooked up a wiggly sprinkler contraption for him to run around and through while we were there, and he had quite the time, a joy that was contagious. There's something about watching a happy child that spreads like the pig flu.

At some point, he ditched the bathing suit and went au natural, and the contrast between his skinny, still smallish legs and his developing torso was striking. Add to it the typical curved back and forward-jutting belly of all toddlers, and I suddenly had a clever thought.

This must have been what Larry King looked like as a toddler!