Don't Drunk Dial Freedom Works

Slightly NSFW. Except for the nipple parts. Those are cool.

Somail Pirates Are Subsidiary of Goldman Sachs

Andy Borowitz is a very funny man.

Eleven indicted Somali pirates dropped a bombshell in a U.S. court today, revealing that their entire piracy operation is a subsidiary of banking giant Goldman Sachs.

An audible gasp could be heard in court when the leader of the pirates announced, "We are doing God's work. We work for Lloyd Blankfein."

The pirate, who said he earned a bonus of $48 million in dubloons last year, elaborated on the nature of the Somalis' work for Goldman, explaining that the pirates forcibly attacked ships that Goldman had already shorted.

So you think YOU have problems?

In retrospect, I shouldn't have cried at the brothel. It unnerved the hookers. 

Never Cry at a Whorehouse -- What I Learned The Hard Way, via Asylum

A Thanksgiving Letter from Helen

This is the best of all worlds - a Thanksgiving letter from Helen, one of my favorite cranky bloggers from Margaret and Helen, listing things we're all thinking but don't have the balls to say.

Helen, however, has the stones:

This year I am thankful to have you as my family rather than a normal American family.  I say that because Sarah Palin is fond of talking about her family being a normal American family.

Last time I checked everyone in my family knows where Africa is on a globe. Everyone goes to college after high school.  We’ve had no teen pregnancies as of yet and no one has appeared in Playgirl.  If the Palins are a normal,  American family, I guess my bunch of anti-American socialists are fine by me.

A couple of items from her list:

If I see one grandchild doing that texting stuff, there will be no pie for dessert.  If I see one parent checking email… scratch that – new rule.  Leave your cell phone in your car.  They used to be called mobile phones for a reason.  Now-a-days the only thing mobile about your phone is your thumbs.  Trust me.  Skinny thumbs and a fat ass are not a good look.

 And:

Honestly, if you insist on bringing anything, bring some butter.  I go through about 20 sticks to get this meal on the table and I might as well start stocking up for Christmas now.

Happy Thanksgiving, Helen. May your dreams come true.

Image via Wikimedia Commons

Truth in Lotto Tickets

My dad played the Pennsylvania lottery for over thirty years and I doubt that his winnings were one-fifth of what he spent on tickets.

You've got to play to win? You've got to play to lose, too, Einstein.

I was amused to see that BoingBoing had linked to a Cracked.com offering that pretty much sums up how I feel about lottery tickets.

If lotto tickets told the truth

Joe Wilson - Lie Catcher!

Andy Borowitz at The Huffington Post:

Wilson Shouts 'You Lie' After Wife Fakes Orgasm

Jon and Kate - The Movie

Onion News: Facebook, Twitter Revolutionizing How Parents Stalk Their College-Aged Kids

Mario Kart: The Movie

It's a shame this is satire and not a real movie, because it looks ten times better than G.I. Joe.



Via Geekologie

Parody: Microsoft's Vision of the Future

Via Gawker

Obama Reduces Goals After Denny's Visit

From the Onion News Network


Obama Drastically Scales Back Goals For America After Visiting Denny's