Father Takes Impact of Car Crash to Save Son

This is what it's like to be a parent - turning around to take the impact in order to keep your child safe.

"Well, That's a Pisser!" Doll

A doll that pees on you might be hysterical for kids, but speaking as a formerly urine-splattered dad who has raised multiple children, unless this robotic baby peen squirts Grey Goose vodka, I don't see the benefit.



Here's a tip - stop giving the little bastard something to drink and you'll be amazed at how quickly it stops going potty.

It's called super-parenting.

Geekologie

NY Times Teaches You How to Speak to Your Nanny

In yet another example of the New York Times pitching a story of interest to their most desired demographic - rich folks - Hilary Stout details the challenges involved when moms try to talk to the nanny.

For as long as she has employed a nanny (almost 10 years now), Eileen Hershenov, a lawyer from Hastings-on-Hudson, N.Y., has had day jobs running the legal departments of large nonprofit groups. “I’m really used to having employees,” she said. “I’ve hired people, I’ve fired people. I’ve gone through on-the-job training and formal training on how to communicate with your reports.”

But, she said, the corporate training “didn’t translate over” to talking with her nanny. 

There's no mention of how dads should talk to the nanny, because the old man doesn't have time for that shit.

Remember - the nanny is an employee, not a family member, even though she's providing the nurturing environment and daily care that mom & dad don't have the time or inclination to dispense, so tell her exactly what you want, and how you want it, and fire her insubordinate ass when she fails to meet the standards that you won't even attempt to undertake.

Image via Wikimedia Commons

Penis and Vagina, Penis and Vagina

Our government thinks parents might be humiliated by saying the words "penis" and "vagina" when talking to their kids about sex.


Our government is wrong.

Technology: It's What's for Breakfast

Brad Stone penned an expose in the New York Times about how technology is changing the family dynamic in ways great and small.

Several of the examples appear to be normal downstream effects of a tech push supplanting what used to be with what now is - using cell phones as alarm clocks, and laptops for video games and chat instead of the kids parking in front of the television to watch cartoons before school.

But the larger message I took from the article was that parents setting and enforcing boundaries in these areas has fallen significantly behind the technology advances themselves. For example, one dad noted that he sent text messages to his children's cell phones to wake them up in the morning, even though he could walk upstairs and personally jostle the little buggers out of their dreams. That's not the fault of technology - that's a lazy father.

A mother laments that since purchasing a laptop for her daughter, things have changed dramatically. The offspring has missed the bus three times because she's noodling around on her Mac, and where she used to take the dog out each morning for a 20-minute constitutional, the daughter now runs the pup in and out quickly to get back to her Facebook updates.

This isn't a new phenomenon. Before the advent of computers and cell phones, parents struggled with their children when it came to the technology of that era, too. We set strict limits on how long our kids were allowed to use the telephone, and cut off usage at 10 PM. My wife and I used to lay in bed giggling after we would take the phone extension off the hook in our room and then listen to our teen son pick up the downstairs phone and try to make calls, swearing and bitching because it wouldn't work.

Of course, he eventually outsmarted us by switching to the phone that was built in to the fax machine, but the moral of the story is that we had boundaries and we diligently attempted to enforce them. Kids refer to that as "you're ruining my life!" parenting.

Whether it's using the phone or reading a comic book under the blanket by using a flashlight, it's how technology is integrated into the family dynamic that's the key. If parents are setting a poor example by checking their Blackberry devices every five minutes, or by waking up their children via SMS, then they shouldn't blame technology.

If you think things are bad now, wait until we all have chips implanted in our heads.

Image via howtosplitanatom.com

Study Ball

When my two older kids were in middle and high school, one of their pet peeves (and certainly a crime against humanity in their eyes) was the family rule that they needed to spend one hour each weeknight at the dining room table, doing their homework. If there was no homework, the time was to be used studying for upcoming exams or reading something of their choosing.

If we could have had access to the study ball, I'm certain they would have used it to justify their belief that the hour rule qualified as cruel and unusual punishment.

The study ball is programmable, allowing up to 4 hours to be input. Once a time is set, the manacle will not open to allow removal from your ankle area until the time expires. Brilliant.

The inventors should look to improve this product by making it applicable to a wider range of timekeeping events, like video games, using the phone, and sullen teen behavior. When the time expires, how about a Jackass - The Movie style electronic stimulator shock that kicks in?

What? Too cruel? C'mon, I know some of you parents out there are with me on this.

Study Ball Makes Sure You Study , via Neatorama