Beard Head!

This would seem to be the kind of apparel that Sarah Palin would embrace. Too bad it's probably not going to be available at Barney's New York.

How often have you been out hunting elk while snot freezes on your upper lip, while your chin quivers like Rush Limbaugh's when he's out of Oxycontin and Viagra? The Beard Head would cure what ails ya. Having an optional interchangeable mustache is simply a bonus.

I can see myself in one of those, looking a bit like Yukon Cornelius from the claymation "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" from 1964.