Slanket

My wife Lisa is always cold. Well, that's not entirely true - if she was being roasted on a spit over an open fire by an indigenous tribe located at the equator, she would probably be merely chilled.

Each Christmas, I pick a theme for her and then all of her gifts revolve around that theme. Last year's theme was warm, which was well-received. But I wish I had known about the slanket.

What's a slanket? No, it's not some preppy young slut. That's a skankette.

A slanket is a huge, comfy blanket that has arms and something that looks like a cowl neck sweater built in, so you can sit on the couch completely swaddled like the baby Jesus, without the discomfort of the manger.

Available in a number of surprisingly non-fashionable colors, the slanket comes in a kids version too. Because you're never too young to be warm and humiliated.