Drunk Ohio Woman Poops Pants During Traffic Stop, Blames Corn

Pick the true statements from the following list:

1. 46 year old Wendy Phillips was driving drunk.
2. Her 4 year old daughter was in the back seat.
3. She pulled in front of a police cruiser and nearly crashed into a stop sign.
4. She tossed an empty vodka bottle out the window, breaking it on the courthouse driveway.
5. She shit her pants during the traffic stop, blaming it on eating too much corn.
6. She is one of the worst mothers on the planet.

If you picked all of the above, you are correct-a-mundo.

Phillips has a previous drunk driving charge, so she's obviously attempting to top her prior effort. One of these days, she's going to kill someone. Let's hope that it's not her innocent daughter.

Now would be a good time for those zero-tolerance drunk driving sentences to kick in.

NBC4i

Boehner Flip Flops on BP Liability Cap

Orange Julius House Minority Leader John "Man Tan" Boehner has changed his tune yet again, calling for the liability cap against BP to be lifted entirely.

Like a drunken sailor on his first night of shore leave, Boehner has lurched to-and-fro on BP, his position morphing in response to howls of outrage from sane people everywhere each time he opens his smoke-billowing mouth and draws a new indefensible line in the oil drenched sand.

Perhaps Boehner realizes that BP's precipitous drop in market capitalization means they won't be tossing large campaign donations his way anytime soon, and even if they did, progressives will be following the money and squawking loudly at any politician accepting petroleum largess until every last dime of cleanup cost and restitution has been paid, which certainly won't be this year, and perhaps not 2011 either.

If Boehner could blame oily birds on abortion and Obama, he certainly would. But even the most dense of our citizenry is beginning to connect the dots between regulatory impotence, lax oversight, and obscene safety shortcuts in the name of profits, and Republicans have been selling dot ink for decades. It's difficult to proclaim your innocence when the public plainly sees the blood on your hands.

So it's politically beneficial for Boehner to zig after he's zagged, because the zealots who vote for him obviously buy what he's selling. Sad, but true. Until the Great Miami River is awash in crude, folks are more interested in affordable fuel for their SUVs and pickup trucks.

Drill, baby, drill.

Wonder what Boehner's next position will be? Toss your guesses into the comments.

Ohio Legislators Are Cowardly Lions

As we come to the end of the first week of limping along with a temporary budget here in Ohio, thanks to both parties having little intestinal fortitude and even less foresight, let's take a look at where we are in the debate over what to do.

On the one side, slot machines save everything, even though voters have given a thumbs-down four separate times. Way to listen to your constituency, you empty suits.

One the other hand, cutting every social safety net program to the bone, which will cause even more suffering among groups of people who endure endless pain and heartache is proposed as the alternative. After all, when the economy goes south, what better way to muddle through than to take away from those who have nothing and are powerless to fight back?

Here's a snippet from an Ohio Department of Taxation news release in 2006:

Every Ohio income tax filer will find their tax rates cut 4.2% this filing season and Tax Commissioner William W. Wilkins says the quickest way to take advantage of that tax cut is to file electronically.

“Everyone who files this year should benefit from the cut, “Wilkins said. “Those with refunds, who file online or use TeleFile, and choose direct deposit, can expect the refund back in 5-to-7 business days.”

Wilkins says people who owe tax can file early and choose to pay at a later date, (anytime through April 17th) when they file electronically. The filing deadline this year is April 17th because the traditional April 15th deadline falls on a weekend.

This year’s tax cut is the first of five scheduled as part of a cut totaling 21% or nearly $2.2 billion annually when fully phased in five years. Taxpayers with taxable income of $10,000 or less will pay no tax. The cut, and many other major tax reform initiatives, was part of the most recent state budget bill passed by the Ohio General Assembly and signed by Governor Bob Taft last summer.

$2.2 billion dollars each year when fully phased in five years.

So what's the current budget gap, you ask?

$3.2 billion.

Now, I'm no financial wizard, and I understand that unemployment and the crushed economy have put a dent in tax revenue, but doesn't it make sense to reverse the 21% tax cut rather than either of the two options that seem to be running neck and neck toward the edge of the cliff?

Why has no one in a position of leadership raised their voice and championed the cause of maintaining most of the programs scheduled for massive cuts in exchange for having a sensible tax rate that is sustainable in good times and bad?

This is beginning to sound a bit like the situation in California, where Governor Ah-nold pushed through huge tax cuts that, coupled with legal requirements to balance the budget, has pushed the state over the edge to the point that they are issuing IOUs instead of paying bills.

This is irresponsible leadership on every front. The very same loudmouth windbags that are decrying the management of GM and Chrysler, and who sound off early and often about Wall Street bailouts and executive compensation are themselves failing to live up to the very same standards they are imposing on others. Is there a better example of heresy?

It's time for Republicans and Democrats to reach down like they have a pair and make the hard decisions that come with the offices they hold. Gambling isn't the answer. Punishing our weakest citizens will not suffice. Reversing a wrong-headed decision to cut tax rates 21% without thinking that the soaring economy would eventually sputter is the government equivalent of the housing bubble.

Get to work, you losers.